dorky dosa

There are days when nothing is visibly wrong, yet everything inside feels completely displaced. I’ve started carrying things I never agreed to hold. It’s a feeling that rises from somewhere deep and gets stuck in my throat, like my body understands a tragedy that I don't have the words for yet. I’ve always hated crying in front of people, but lately, I find myself on public transport, staring out the window and fighting to keep it in like it’s something shameful. Even the basic comforts have changed. Food used to mean something,memories, people, a sense of fullness. Now, my appetite has just quietly left me alone. Sleep isn’t a refuge anymore; the nights feel heavier than they should, and the bed I used to look forward to is just something I have to endure. Even the things I used to wait for all day don't call to me anymore. That excitement feels like it belonged to a different person. There is this constant, physical heaviness in my chest with no clear cause. My he...

 I love writing about what’s happening. I think the most probable reason that I have never openly talked about my feelings and emotions to any human (except my family, of course) is because I just write them down most of the time. Most of the time, I am writing about one thing and it leads to another, and I don’t mind that at all. Like all these years, I just wrote in random small diaries whenever I felt like it, but this year your girl got a diary: an old-style one, the kind you’ll see your grandfather writing all the hisaab and all in. I saw mine do so, yeah. I love those diaries. I love diaries in general, but I am becoming picky about them day by day. Also, your girl is reading Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar. Wait, that sounds like a good start to this new year, but your girl is literally dozing off every two seconds she gets free, and what is happening with my sleep schedule? What happened to Supriya, who used to wake up at 5 a.m. every morning? BLAHHH, good old days. But happy n...

For many people, changing weather doesn’t signify much. It comes and goes, noticed only in passing. But for me, weather has always carried meaning. I’ve seen my life shift with the seasons, sometimes subtly, sometimes all at once. This year especially, I began noticing a pattern. As the weather changed, so did everything around me. Bonds evolved, people revealed different sides of themselves, distances grew or softened, and even my own habits transformed. With every season, I became a slightly different person, thinking differently, feeling differently, living differently. It’s almost as if the weather doesn’t just change the air, but quietly rearranges the emotional landscape of my life. And yes, even my hair grew, unfortunately, I like it short.

Heyyaaa people! It’s been quite some time since I posted anything, I know. I’ll probably start writing again in a few days… or maybe after exams (as if I’m actually going to study, hahaha). Meanwhile, life has been a little eventful. First — I’m finally back to dancing Kathak! YAY. Kathak was such a huge part of my childhood, and even though academics made me drop it for a while, I’m back now… and honestly, more than ever. Second — I’ve started playing the ukulele like a normal person now. I mean, I can finally switch chords without fighting for my life. And third — wait for it — I know how to doodle. Shocking, I know. Considering I always believed I was the worst at drawing (still kinda do), but apparently… it’s not that bad anymore. And go and watch choti si baat(1975) Byeeee

Abhi Na Jao Chhod Kar has been one of those songs I’ve loved all my life. It makes me want to tell people the same thing, that I love when they stay a little longer. There’s a tenderness in it. I’ve also grown to love Ajay Sahab’s extended stanzas of this song. They feel like the melody itself doesn’t want to end, just like the words. And in the voice of Rajesh Singh Sir, it turns into something so deeply melodious that it stayed with me and i am sure it'll stay with you too. I connect with it in both languages, Hindi and English, because it feels like it belongs to both my heart and my words.🦢 अभी उठा हूँ नींद से तुम्हारा ख़्वाब देख के अभी तुम एक ख़्वाब हो, अभी पसे हिजाब हो मैं छू के तुमको देख लूँ कि सच में मेरे पास हो मुझे थी जिसकी जुस्तजू, वही मेरी तलाश हो अभी तो इस तलाश का मिला कोई सिला नहीं अभी ना जाओ छोड़कर के दिल अभी भरा नहीं I woke from slumber, carrying a dream of you. You’re still a dream, still veiled in mystery’s hue. Let me touch, let me see you near, To know if truly...

It’s Day 2 of my attempt at learning the ukulele. I didn’t post about Day 1 because, trust me, no one would have wanted to witness that chaos. For now, I’m treating this as a small hobby, though I’m not sure how long the enthusiasm will last. Maybe I’ll share another update in a month or so to see if there’s actually been some progress or just another round of noise.